I have had an absolutely sleepy saturday today.I was drowsy throughout,I literally had to pick myself up and walk down to TESCOs the long way to buy some food but mostly to give myself some exercise.I am waiting for my laundry so I thought I would let some thoughts at the back of my mind just seep out.There is chill in the air outside and I have hayfever.I can go the whole year round with it in this country and my patients tell me this is common.
Today early in the morning my cousin sent me a single line message ,'S is nomore'.I felt sad.Now how do I know S?One day out of the blue I got a desperate phone call from my cousin.A friend of hers from school who had been instrumental in supporting her baby steps into Australia had suddenly out of the blue been diagnosed to have GB ca.She was young ,may be in her late thirties,looked younger,sensible ,hard working .She wanted to know the prognosis.Looking at the staging and the extent of the disease it did not look good.SO the parents decided to bring her back to India.When she was in Delhi,I went with my cousin to see her.To me she looked extremely chalky, but my cousin insisted that it was her usual colour.She looked tired,thoughtful and talked quite a bit.Her mother ordered KFC from the mall in Vasant Kunj where they were renting a house.I felt mighty awkward to eat anything in that sombre environment although it was well past lunch time.
My cousin had shared the gospel with her but she hardly responded.Her mother had reached a stage where she would request prayer for her but would simultanaeouly be knocking all the other doors.
I took my cousin through the process of how a patient with gall bladder ca with liver mets would ultimately progress.
She called me up again to let me know that she was going through hepatic encephalopathy.She was having hallucinations and could not sleep at night.One such time she asked her mother who she was?When her mother reminded her that she was her mother ,I believe she reiterated ,no-you are lying,I am alone I have nobody.I am a doctor.I have learnt in life to pull myself back from emotional situations to save myself.Like my sister-in-law said ,In Sikkim,peopele are tough.We cannot afford to dwell on our losses so we move on ,sometimes all of it looks vey cold.
In the midst of it all my mother lets me know that the flowers I had planted by the supposed pool at home had sprouted one of which had started blooming and the other had grown shoots which would flower on for a very long time.My sister in Australia had brought a whole lot of flower seeds.One afternoon I planted a few of them in a corner of a plain space and forgot to mark it.Next few days I found our hand walking all over the place while doing his chores.I had given up hope that anything would sprout but it has .Life has sprung overcoming the hopelessness of the situation and it was my mother who spotted it and urged my brother to photograph it and send it to me.Praise God for my mother.