Tuesday, December 26, 2017

Christmassed in !

The count down begins post a day after Christmas.I am 'Christmassed in' in Ashford because the public transports are not functioning this week.It has been a deeply calming christmas though.Was on call on christmas eve.A few hours before I actually went in for the duty at nine I felt a deep sense of calm and I knew that everything would be allright.I saw and felt the grace of God in bits and pieces of sunshine in the eve celebrated as Christ's birth.I felt covered by His grace and so it has been all this time post-christmas.Some things are beyond explanation and at this phase of my life I find myself bathed in His grace,perhaps it is the prayer of the believers.
Some things that brought a deep sense of joy in my heart was to see a daughter and a son (perhaps with families of their own )sit by a sick father's bed-side all through the night.I saw a daughter never leave a mother's side through the twelve hour wait in the corrider and further more just sat by the bedside once she was booked into a bed,not a sign of slightest vexation.A lady with MS had come in sick ,helpless but it was her birthday ,I felt extremely privellaged to be the first one to wish her a merry christmas and a happy birthday.Christmas morning as I walked to my flat in a sleepy haze and opened my fridge,I found a gift staring at me from my flatmate who had left for home for christmas.Was supposed to join my friend and her family in London for Christmas but could not..
I have but the last four months in UK and as I slowly but surely start winding up I do feel a sense of nostalgia.This time in the UK it has been a time of getting in touch with myself, has been deeply calming and satisfying experience in many ways.If the Lord wills it my brother and my neice would be joining me in the last month to travel across the UK before we leave for home in June.Post June ,if the Lord wills it,I would like to volunteer for a month in a church based,parachurch endeavour in one of the countries nearer home before I spend some time with my parents and then join back my organisation.

Saturday, December 23, 2017

The sigh of God!

This Christmas has been a thoughtful one.I am on duty on Christmas Eve.
This Christmas strangely ,the book of Hosea has been a predominant theme in my personal promptings.One morning as I lay in bed,God's sigh to Ephraim became mine.
The book of Hosea is a picture of a God, who pursues us inspite of our waywardness and callousness.The love that the Lord has for Ephraim is a sigh that was manifest in Christmas and later in easter.Our God who loved us so much that He paid both side of the bargain to restore us to Him.
To those of us who are not familiar with the book of Hosea in the old testament,Hosea is an old testament prophet who is instructed by the Lord to marry a wayward,promiscous and unfaithful woman.He obeys and marries her but she leaves him and finds another man.
However God instructs him to accept her back and he obeys again,is faithful,finds her redeems her and brings her back to Him.
It is analogy of God's love for His people manifest in Christmas and easter ,God-who pursues us,finds us,redeems us and brings us back to Him.Such love beyond measure.
One afternoon we were sitting with some non-believing friends and suddenly the father of the family was a little vexed with his little daughter who was vying for his attention.The exact statement he used was 'why are you after me like Jesus?'.That had me very thoughtful.I have never forgotten it till date.It must have been some ten years ago.
He sighs for Israel in His love!
The great and powerful God,the master of the universe,bends down and reaches out to you and me.......Do we hear ? or is it like it says in Hosea 4-14 'My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge......'
'

Thursday, December 21, 2017

Benjamin!-Youngest of the tribes.

I was watching a movie about Austria around the time of second world war made from the point of view of a Jewish girl and the feeling seemed familiar.The same strife goes on today in veneers of sophistication ,coated in different colours.Ask me ,I know what it feels like to be a minority.
I am a woman from India,single,belong to a tribe of people from a state of Sikkim,who were the original inhabitants and yet have become the 'vanishing tribe' as one author puts it and to top it I am a mixed breed or as one of my friends often used to tease me half breed with my root in three main comunities of Sikkim.Even to a Sikkimese we present a strange picture.I am a christian to boot.That confuses a person from Sikkim even more.How come ?They inadvertantly ask,in a state, where we number 0.6% of the already scanty population.I think I might be one of the two people from my organisation to come from my state and perhaps the only doctor.
At the moment in UK everywhere I go people have never heard of Sikkim but for some senior consultants educated in the premier institutions who might have been friends with the crown prince long before I was born,otherwise I have a great time explaining my origin.I try my best but I am never quite there.To make things easier I tell them I am from India and they look even more confused.
Now to let you know how I identify with the little girl who wrote about Nazi Germany from her perspective.
I get the same sinking feeling every day of my life when I read the papers or follow the news because the world is full of the same rabid people barely on the leash,majority.I think next to the Jews ,the christians are the most persecuted people in the world and if you ask me now as to which is the most abused profession ,it has to be a doctor,atleast nearer home in India ,it is a reality everyday.
When I choose to go back to India and serve in some remote corner I am also saying yes to the possibility of being one of the statistics in the morning paper.If I am to become a statistic then I would like to do so fruitfully,ethically ,effectively in a fellowship of saints who honour the Lord.Otherwise one is kept fighting with the shadows within,without good fellowship ,which is not only dangerous but also makes for a very poor withness.I am no Christ,I am just a vulnerable human being,a sinner,loved by Christ inspite of all my inadequacies,trying to live out His mandate for my life.
In God,I trust.


Sunday, December 17, 2017

Hillsong London Carols 2017 Live stream



Attended the hiisong carol service in London.
It was in SSE arena in Wembley.The morning service was the only one with any space and it was packed to the hilt.
The O'Holy night,the moment when Jesus' birthplace was sighted by three wisemen and when Pastor Gary stroddled out to share the message of Christmas,the message of Hope ...was the highlight for me.

O Holy Night!

SSA arena has a seating capacity of 12500.This was the only carol service which had some space,there were two more at three and seven at night which were capacity so I booked it.I had some doubts in the morning but since I had to attend a church service somewhere I just bucked myself and went for it.Thank God I did.
It was a spectacular show of talent by the youngsters with a lot of poignant moments in between.
When one of the lady singers lead the 'O'Holy night' one could just feel the movement of the spirit,it was powerful!
In between the grandiose and spectacular show of lights and the technical glitz of a first world stage which just overpowers one in terms of light and sound ,it was reassuring to see pastor Gary stroddle out in his semi casual attire to do some straight talk in his 'australian' accent( I only noticed it today).He shared the Christmas message,the message of Christ,the message of Hope.The moment when the three wiseman see the birthplace of Jesus was powerful!


Saturday, December 16, 2017

Deadlines,Christmas spoilers,Ranveer Singh and the weather forecast.

Someone has a deadline
A terminal disease I am told.
He winks at me and tells me plain
till christmas he should hold.

Another daughter
looks at her mother in total frustration
tripple dementia,all downhill
will be her christmas spoiler.

Everything is normal,Ofcourse it is
one never hears of it
but for the frantic call from abroad
asking for your safety,

The news is a disaster
overdosing on negative feeds
a sure recipe for clinical depression,
so now I just follow Ranveer Singh.

Talking of Ranveer,he was in the airport
Mobbed by 'the classic Indian pesterer'.....
He looked like he could sock the guys,
He clenched a toothy pose with them instead.

Weather forecast said snow in kent.
It's snowing allright on the rooftops,cars,
the children sleighing on the ground
In the television in Kent.








Sunday, December 10, 2017

'Lord we have come.'

Today the preaching was on the ten virgins,five with and five without oil.
The Jewish tradition of marriage goes something like this.
The groom travels to the bride's house where they have the main ceremony and then they wend their way back to the groom's house .However there is no telling how long it is going to be before they return with the bride.So the people at the groom's house have a long wait.In the parable we see them returning at midnight.One can visualise in the mind's eye the tiredness of the groom's family awaiting the arrival of the groom with the bride.The ten virgin's are likewise awaiting the groom ,five are actually ready with the oil in their lamps full whereas five are not.
One can imagine when the groom comes back all of them fumbling to receive him ,out of their slumber.The one's who have oil will light their lamps and happily go forward to greet the groom but the ones who do not have the oil will be begging the ones who are ready but are unable to give them their portion because they need it themselves.So the ones who do not have the oil go out for the oil and then the door closes.Frightening to say the least.
The question asked was how do we keep the oil intact and ready?
There were three aspects discussed-
1)Being internally ready with fresh supply of oil.'You have forsaken your first love' should not be the reprimand we get.We need spiritual food on a regular basis.We need to keep growing in the Lord.
The ways we can do it is-
Prayer,
Scripture,
Fellowship,
Reading christian books,biographies of great christian personalities,
Conferences,
Discipleship.
We need to keep each other burning brightly till Christ comes.
2) Ready on the outside-
Invest and help build His kingdom.
Greatest job in the world is 'Jesus business'.When Jesus hires you you are in the business of changing people's lives forever ,for all eternity.
We need to have engine rooms,where we go back to from time to time to strategise,to pray,to seek direction and keep an account of where we are.
3)Caring for the weakest and the most vulnerable.
Jesus spent disproportionate amount of time with the people in the fringes,we are called to do what Jesus did.
We are invited to resubmit ourselves to God's business.
On a poignant note,I was watching a national geagraphy's documentary on Jerusalem.
They were talking about the likelihood of one of the burial place in the cave below being the place where Jesus was burried after His crucification.On the wall is a scribble made by a sharp object with a picture of a boat and a writing which says,'Lord we have come'.The archeologists attribute this writing to about fifteen hundred years ago.To me it was a poignoint reminder of beleivers through generations who have said the same thing over and over again and have been there till they have been taken up in glory.
'Lord I have come.'May that be my life.Amen.

Saturday, December 9, 2017

How come you never told me?


'You shall know the truth and truth shall set you free.'(John 8 vs 32)
I remember the first few week into my job I met a second generation indian foundation year student.As I got talking she suddenly blurted out that she was from a hindu background in Gujarat but she was a christian and had accepted Christ as her Lord and savior.
I was taken aback because west is not necessarily conducive with a roaring evangelical bent,especially in England, where people are by nature 'stiff upper lip'.However,though believing christians are few and far between they are comitted,now only if they would open up a bit more!,love a little more.
She further added that she reads her bible everyday and prays.I asked her why?
She told me in so many words,'Because it is the truth'.Isn't it?She asked me.I was taken aback a little by what she said.
I have with age learnt not to come to quick conclusion.I have by God's grace learnt to hugely respect and stand back in awe at the way our God works beyond the simple logic and common sense of the finite human mind.
At this stage in our lives ,before our Lord Jesus comes back the most important thing I think is the direction we are heading towards everyday.
Sitting down with a few believers after dinner,we were sharing our walk in August of this year and there was a lady from a christian background who was not a believer but seemed to be searching.As she expressed her beliefs which sounded like a mixture of confused new age...the mature christians listened to her respectfully because anyone could see she was genuine in her search and as she shared she mentioned her mother and the sunday school where she had been taught the bible stories.For me,a God fearing ,praying mother is a powerful tool God uses to bring her children to Him.One of the ladies in the room said in so many words,'christianity is the truth' and that was it.I saw a fleeting shadow pass through the struggling lady's face.
I shared the thought that came to my mind just then.That was how important it was to 'know our God'.
I did not say anything more then that because I did not want to sound preachy.
Jesus prays in John 17 vs 3-'..Now this is eternal life,that they know you,the only true God ,and Jesus Christ whom you have sent.'
How do we get to know our God?
1)We search for Him in earnestness.Jeremiah 29:13-'You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart.'
2)We ask,knock ...our God is a living God who answers if you open your heart and ask.Mathew 7:7'Ask and it will be given you,seek and you will find,knock and the door shall be opened onto you.'
3)We read His Word because 'he is the bread of life'.'In the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God and the Word was God.'-John 1 vs 1.
That brought to mind the series of bible studies we used to have in lakhnadon sunday evening in my place with a host of youngsters in the campus.
One series we did was on the gospel.
Week after week we would study the word with the help of an expositionary book.
As the weeks unfolded the author unfolded beautifully a pattern in the new testament.
There are two times when God directly introduces Jesus.Starting from the beginning of Christ's ministry when John the baptist baptizes Jesus in river Jordan and when the heavens open and a voice from heaven says,'This is my Son whom I love ;with Him I am well pleased.'Mathew 3:17 and in the mount of transfiguration(Luke 9 v35) ' A voice came from the cloud saying,'This is my Son,whom I have chosen,listen to Him.'
The Holy spirit continues this work of God by introducing the true nature of the Son throughout the new testament.
The God of small things-turning water into wine at the wedding in Cana.
The God who forgives our sins.
The lord over nature.
The Lord our healer.
The Lord our provider.
The Lord over death and life,
The Lord over evil spirits,
The Lamb of God,
The True Vine,
The Good Shepherd,
The Cornerstone,'
The Resurrection and Life,
Our peace,
The Redeemer.
The Rock of ages,
The Messiah

and the list goes on and on till in revelation He is the
'Lion of the tribe of Judah',
'the Victorious one',
'The Lord of Lords and the King of Kings'
before whom every knee will bow and every tongue will confess,that Jesus Christ is Lord.
The Lord our God continues to introduce us to His son through the deposit He has made in us ,the Holy spirit.

Sunday, December 3, 2017

Jerusalem ,a city in waiting.

Church was mourning the passing away of a fellow member.One could not miss the sadness and yet the preaching was a powerful one on second coming.
The pastor observed that all our celebration was in commemoration of events of the past which had a great implication for the future.What about celebration and an alligning of our lives in anticipation of the things to come?
Today the advent begins and the latin word adventus is the greek word parousia commonly used to refer to the second coming of Christ.
We looked at the city of jerusalem today.
Jew perspective-There are graves of the jews on the Mount of Olives,an expensive space to be burried in .Amidst the tombstones we find the graves of the prophets also.According to the prophecy in Zechariah 4 and 5,it talks of the Messiahs feet being on the Mount of Olives and how the elect will come up with Him.The Jews anticipate the coming of the Messiah first to the Mount of Olive and thus believe that they will be the first to rise up from dead to be with their messiah.
Muslim perspective-There is a golden gate in the wall of Jerusalem.Suleman the magnificent ,a muslim ruler has sealed the golden gate because according to their prophecy the messiah of the Jews will enter through the golden gate and establish the kingdom of God.We find a lot of cemetries right outside the golden gate , Elijah is to come before the messiah so idea was to defile the entry of the Jewish predecesser of the messiah.
Christian perspective-Christ's second coming for His bride.
In all those tombstone ,there is no tomb for Jesus,because' He is not here,He has risen!'.
Jerusalem ,a city waiting in anticipation for the messiah.People of three different faiths all waiting for the messiah.
Are we like Jerusalem waiting and alligning our lives to the second coming of the King?
Why do we live in this anticipation?
Angels said it.
Jesus said it.
There is a deposit of His promise,God's gaurantee -the Holy spirit.
2 Corinthians 5 vs 5
'Now the one who has fashioned us for this very purpose is God,who has given us the Spirit as a deposit,gauranteeing what is to come.'


Sunday, November 26, 2017

Deliver us from evil.

Church was at Dominion today because I was to lunch out with my friends Anu,Dinesh and Ojasvi in London.
We changed lunch to early dinner due to the weekened train snags and Ojasvi's music lessons.The worship was beautifully touching.I felt lead to pray for the kids on the stage even as I worshipped that they would be trailblazers for our Lord Jesus.
Pastor Gary took a session on forgiveness.I was not sure why?
Jesus' way being 'Love armed with forgiveness' as the author puts it in 'Radical forgiveness'.The example of Jesus, as He showed us the way on the cross.
He reiterated the story of Joseph.The importance of forgiveness in taking hold of our inheritance.He talked about how we make a room for the evil when we take offence.
I asked the Lord,why this sermon today?Am I holding onto any offence?
I realise everyday is a new day with challenges,we need to be on our knees in humility and pray for God's infinate grace that He will protect us from the evil one and help us to stay clear from being offended .What mammoth fallouts being offended can have!

Friday, November 24, 2017

Ekla Cholo Re - Kishore Kumar



Beautiful folkish rendition of Tagore's ekla chalo by Kishore Kumar.This is a poetry that has inspired generations and is one of the golden legacy of India that was .




Some thoughts along the way..


I picked up 'Lean in' at random from the kindle store because I wanted to read a good book which would perhaps challenge me to an extent.I am not sure my choice was right.The author has written a very down to earth account of balancing work life and family life for women.After sometime It became my bathroom read and I thought I heard a lady ramble on and on about a topic which in the male bastion could be concluded in a single sentence.
I don't mean to shortsell the book.For women with children and pregnancy to balance with a demanding job there might be a point and the point is one must lean in especially during those times and not make your carrier secondary with examples of how women have done it.
I just picked up the wrong book it seems.
In 2005 ,when I attended the Haggai seminar in Singapore ,we were made to draw a point diagram depicting the various areas of my life and I was taken aback to see that my diagram looked like a propeller jet heading towards one direction.I had to literally stand back and rearrange a few things.I am mighty glad that I have the luxury to do it from time to time.Almost ten years hence I find the jet blunted and has put on some flab on the sides and it has become more rounded but has a long way to go.
Sometimes I surprise myself.
I was telling a colleague the other day.that if I had not come to England when I did last year,I was at the verge of giving up my medical carrier.For me the whole thing was beginning to feel like a noose around my neck.The joy had gone out of it.I had some time to just sit at home and ponder under the cool shelter of my family's unconditional love.My parents are allright with whatever decision I make and when I asked my mother if I could just stay at home she seemed at absolute peace about it but I have to live with my decisions so I tread carefully.
My seniors at work keep asking me if I would like to specialise in something.What they mean in Indian context is 'superspecialise' in something.The answer I gave them would have flummoxed them so I just said a simple ,'not in their speciality ',the correct answer I guess would have been 'my thoughts are more along the lines of how I can contribute towards a community especially the younger generation in the times to come.I have some ideas in my head,prayer in my heart,and a faith in my soul that the Lord will guide me to my destiny in Him,by His grace and in His strenght,if it is the Lord's will.
As the winter sets in ,for the first time in my life I am beginning to appreciate daylight,I have always taken it for granted ,it seems.Everyday when I get out into the open after work ,the night sky greets me.It is not uncommon to see me sitting out in the bench eating my lunch in the afternoon.At times ,it is freezing cold but I still covet the daylight so I enjoy the time and I do get a few strange looks from people passing by.I enjoy the nip in the air,the autumn colour of the sky and the paraphenalia ,just the unpolluted ,clean air and I like to walk...thank God for these simple but precious joys of life.

Sunday, November 19, 2017

The time of refreshing.

Today the preaching at the church was from ACTS 3 vs 1-9,one of my favourite anecdote in all of the bible.Whenever I read this episode it strangely touches me.Apart from the fact that it has some connection to my early childhood in my hometown where the sunday school teacher used to teach us this song and we as little children in all innocence used to sing these songs at the top of our voices,whether in the sunday school or otherwise.
The event goes that Peter and John are walking into the temple to preach the word of God and as they cross the gate called 'beautiful'to the temple a lame beggar eyes them and asks them for alms.Peter and John walk upto him and say,'Silver and Gold have I none,what I have I give to you,in the name of Jesus of Nazereth,stand up and walk.'The text says ,the beggar not only stood up and started walking but started jumping and praising the Lord.Further more it says that he clung to Peter and John and all the Jews there started looking at them in awe and that is when they say,'Ye men of Israel why do you marvel at this and why do you look at us like as though by our power and holiness we have made this man walk......' and they continue to preach Christ.
This anecdote speaks the very basis of what we are for and where we stand and what we ought to be doing.There is such a thin margin between being a beggar in the gate beautiful and being Peter and John.This question is valid in the lives of all humanity unfortunately for some of us believers included.
The portion the pastor stressed on was the need for repentance and conversion so that 'the times of refreshing will come from the presence of the Lord'.
For the beggar in the gate beautiful and the people of that town in Israel,'the time of refreshing'came because Peter and Paul stepped out in faith and the Lord honoured it.

Sunday, November 12, 2017

Tipping point

Church today was at Dominion with the Hillsong.The preaching was from Nehemiah,a highly inspiring message.
1)Passion is a heart thing.
Nehemiah's heart was at the right place.The only qualification that mattered to God was that the heart be at the right place.
What does your heart break for?Sometimes it is good to offend the mind,things become clearer.
2)Action is trusting-It takes a lot of trust to act.We are the move of God.We are not born winners or losers but we are born choosers.One thing that keeps us from taking action is the fear of failure and in the real world we do fail but the moment we own our failure ,we own our fear.We are on a mission for God's vision.
3)Sometimes it takes somebody from outside to detect that the walls are broken.For the Israellites,the broken wall was the norm .That was how they had seen it perhaps most of their lifetime.It took a Nehemiah who was outside to see it,weep for it and facilitate the process.
We are called to be a Nehemiah for the rest of the world.
He shared that the hillsong church was built on foundation of sacrifices from individuals.
4)Others caught on the vision of Nehemiah and joined hands in collaberation.Collaberation is a together thing.Live,love and lead.
We collaberate with Jesus to build something eternal
There were some people who refused to cooperate with Nehemiah in the venture and made fun of him.They went down into eternity as people who did not show up.

Thursday, November 9, 2017

Strange goodbyes..

Saying goodbye has never been too hard for me.
Today I had to say goodbye to someone who was on his way home supposedly to spend the next few days of his life.
With all the strange toxins in the blood that would drive a normal person crazy Mr X is unusually alert.The entire time he was in,I had to negotiate with him for every part of his management.Like a kid I had to kneel down before him and sweet talk him into allowing us to do anything at all.Finally when he realised things were serious he relented only to go three steps back and then the negotiations would start all over again.Each time I crossed the room he would give me the sweetest smile from the heart.That coming from a person whose kidney has literally stopped functioning for several days with a background of multi organ compromise is strange to say the least.
One fine day he decided he wanted to go home,his children arranged for care at home and he left.Just before going he thanked me for all the care I had given him.
Where do people draw such grace from at a critical juncture like this?
One day when I was crossing by his room I saw him looking up.I have said many prayers for him.I had hoped he would be a miracle we would see with our own eyes but it was not to be,I still pray that a miracle it might be,away from our eyes.
I will miss him in the wards.

Sunday, November 5, 2017

Persecution


Over the last few days I have been getting this prompting to write about christian persecution.
I was not sure why ,today I realise it is the international day of prayer for persecuted christians.
I got a message early this morning about how in a village church some fundamentalists had stopped a church service of simple tribal folks but some unknown people had beaten the fundamentalists black and blue.
Now the organisation was all out to close down the church.I have visited that simple village.The tribals are dirt poor and suffer from depression,mental illnesses,etc.It was a precarious situation for the goodman's family .Just going around with him was frightening enough he lives amongst the majority caste.His little son in all innocence can be quiet vociferous about his belief.This was the place where I saw an old man working alone to build the church brick by brick with his own hands in his land.That poor tribal man had a vision so big that it could very well touch eternity.I was deeply touched even as he bent down to remove grass stuck on my skirt,but I also sensed persecution in the future.
Going back to the Word ,Jesus in several places has mentioned persecution .
John 15-vs 18-20
'If the world hates you......
If they have persecuted me ,they will also persecute you...'
1st Peter 1 vs 7
'The trial of your faith....'
Mathew 5,vs 11
'Blessed are you when people insult you,persecute you......'
Today the bible reading was from ACTS 8 where the chapter starts with the anecdote of the persecution that broke out against the church in Jerusalem.About Saul leading the way ,persecuting christians as he destroyed churches.
This very Saul,aka Paul was a chosen vessel of Christ ,became a means of salvation for the gentiles and the author of most of new testament.
What is this good news that it catches like fire.I heard one of the Jew pastors saying that a person who reads the new testament twice word to word would have no other choice,but to accept Christ as the Lord and savior.
The Word of God is it's own defence.When I was in school I used to have innocent enough classmates who had the fear of the bible.In their superstition filled faith they had been forbidden to touch any form of christian literature.Now they are believers and attend different churches,I hear.
I hear of persecution ,it was foretold by our lord.
I was deeply inspired by the story behind Chris Tomlin's 'Whom shall I fear'where the writer when going through a personal challenge goes back to the anecdote in 2 King's 6 where the King of Aram sends his army to capture Elisha the prophet and when his servant sees the army of the king he is frightened,Elisha tells him,'Don't be afraid ,those who are with us are more than those who are with them.'And he prays that God open his servants eye to see.Then the servant sees the hills full of horses and chariots of fire around Elisha.
We worship the same God.
Persecution is to be expected but at the backdrop of persecution is the larger than life images of revelation where the angel of the Lord writes to different churches and commends those churches who are able to overcome and persist inspite of all odds and most of all the promise Romans 14 :11-'....every knee will bow...'and Revelation 20,21,and 22 that seals it all.
In the mean time may we have very many testimonies of God's faithfullness ....against all odds.
For'the earth will be filled with the knowledge of His glory as the waters cover the sea.'Habakkuk 2:14.



My sheep will know my voice.....



Today once again the church was beautiful with a report on one of the countries the pastor couple had visited.
A tiny country which had an official census of one beleiver in 1951 has around 1-2 million beleivers as of today.
The churches are an epitome of new testament churches from the ACTS.
1)Factors that have led to church growth are healing from sickness,
2)rejection of highly binding and superstition filled old religion.They have known the truth and truth has set them free.
3)The drastic changes they see in the lives of the believers.
The takeaway lesson they took from the experience was that the Lord is sovereign.
While trekking through the mountains and walking close to the Lord the song above brought much comfort to the pastor.
We heard the song in the church today.
May it be our prayer.

Snap-shots.

As you travel through life,snapshots of moments hit you as you travel along.You capture it or you let it pass.Somethings are worth reminding oneself of.
I have been blessed by parents who have all their lives lived a life of living faith.Their prayers have been a lifeline that has carried them through life.Now when I look back I wonder at their wisdom and the richness of their lives.My mother taught the sunday school and then carried it onwards to teach small kids their first ABCs in the church in the week days when our district had no concept of primary schools.She read us bible stories from small children books and we had our family prayers every night at home.Often you would find dad and mom spontanaeusly share in the course of the day how the Word of the lord reprimended them in a certain course of action.It was never preachy,it was very often shared in a sheepish manner.
The other culture my parents cultivated with great care is entertaining missionaries .We had men and women of God visit and stay in our house all our lives.My mother never tired of hosting them with a certain amount of reverance.
Living in the countryside has it's advantages,we are in very many ways not counting the pennies like the city folks.With very faithful people who served us,some actually life-long we lived ,now I gather a dream of a childhood.I remember us five siblings sitting by the fire in the evening and watching the servants eat the mountain of their meals and my brother doing a running football commentary as they made their way through the pile.We were too young and innocent to understand that they might have been embarrased and they were tired after a days work to care too much I think.
There were two star housekeepers,one served lifelong ,I guess we were his family and the other more than twenty years.One was a brahmin from Nepal apparently from a good family and the other had family members in the oppositte hill but no home as such.Their faithfulness to the family are legendary.Then there were people who came and went,many of whom we never got to get acquainted with. I remember the season for rice harvesting,it used to be a busy time.Host of men and women in colourful clothes used to dance on the rice sheafs in the field.These were labourers from nepal and they made a proper occasion of the event.The place used to come alive with people making rice flakes and I used to be the rare child who loved it and so used to sit with the servants eating it straight from the crusher even as it took shape.My parents used to find it amusing.
Cardomom harvesting time was a time of family gathering.All our cousins from the town used to camp in my hometown to take stock of their own produce.It also used to be a time when we had our family dinners almost every night,picnics and invitations to the house of the sarders who managed our cardomom.We loved the traditional meals in these houses.We used to weave our imagination around different landmarks and spend time with our tenants who would go out of their way to keep all of us entertained.
Thank God,there was no television when we were kids.I remember mom playing the early morning christian programme in radio Ceylon.

Saturday, November 4, 2017

Life support

Letting a loved one go is a difficult process.
The decision to stop the life support is I guess a harrowing one.The decision mostly lies with the doctor but the patient's kin is taken into consideration before any such step is taken.One Mr X was by his hallucinating wife's bed-side everyday.I was not looking after that patient but one day when I was crossing by ,she cheerfully called out to me and pointed to the window and kept insisting that the child at the window was bugging her.We were on the fourth floor of the window of the only building.When the time came to stop the lifesupport,we were doing the difficult job of explaining things to the husband and he was obviously finding it very difficult to come to a decision.Suddenly one of my senior colleagues explained that he did not have to carry the burden of having made the final decision because the final decision lay with the doctor.The fully grown man just started weeping,in confusion,in relief,in sadness and I am not sure what else it was.
Medical profession is a venerated place where we allow utter strangers into the most vulnerable and hurting parts of our lives.We are given access to the pain of our society.How we react to the hurt is very different.
In India when disaster strikes,there is a commotion....there is screaming,yelling everyone around the two kilometre radius comes to know something's happened.
Another thing that struck me this week was a handover I listened to.Someone was being handed over as being from a deeply religious family,christian was specified.I stopped short in whatever I was doing to listen with my mouth gaping,I think.My second reaction was a deep chuckle.
Was being deeply religious a sickness?I guess the kid was right in a certain sense.
My education continues in cultures so different from where my roots are and yet when one talks of roots it is not the place where I was born,places where I grew up,the places where I spend some significant part of my life which I sense is my root,it is actually among people I have grown up with,met along this journey at different times and different places whom God has ordained to influence my life ..so the journey continues till I am safely Home.

Tuesday, October 31, 2017

A prayer.

What is it lord?
What is this restlessness?
I have not felt this forever.
There is a deep,deep pain somewhere,
I don't remember hurting anywhere.
No bruise,no fall,no nothing
and yet this constant pain.
Something new,
in the arena of my life.
I am praying more,I am reading more
and I am working less intelligently,
I feel.
What is it Lord ?
this abyss of pain,
Does it have a root?
It's alien to me ,
It's not physical,
I labelled it spiritual
a few weeks back but now I wonder?
I hurt and I know not why?
O great physician ,
I come to you as always
for your healing
from I know not what,
as you pour your
balm on my hurting soul,
Could you please show me
where the cut is?


Saturday, October 28, 2017

Just thoughts on Flying Lotus....

India's demonetisation demon and the general mood in the country with it's after-effect has AR Rahman compose a musical piece on it.Beautifully haunting it is left to people's interpretation.
One of the saddest mistake anyone with a clout of some sort can make is to step over people and think that some weak voices can be ignored and their ideas perpetuated at the discomfort of some people who may not matter very much.The utter disregard for the poor and the weak,the marginalised,the minorities....it goes on,....Besides one can't say too much about people who egg you on ,who mislead you,encourage you towards this end because the very basic fabric of their ethical stand ,if there is any,is missing,there are no absolutes to stand by.
There may be people with good intent,however the company you keep will paint the colour of the house you build.
India is a country where Antilla can exist next to the slums.I did not buy a jio simcard.
The richness of India lies in it's villages.In the year 2013-14,as I sat in my OPD and saw the patients and got talking to them ,the poor villagers were ,everyone of them,clearly segregated by their religion.This was in the aftermath of the Muzzaffarnagar incident and I was very close to UP then.These were very simple villagers who were made pawn by the manipulation of dirty political minds.Three years hence I wonder where they are at?Were they included in the agenda of the people who were supposed to be their messiahs or are they still running around in circles.
My non-believer friend observed ,you always side up for the under-dog.
I do because I know for sure that God is on their side...

Thursday, October 26, 2017

All these pieces,broken and scattered...

Today I heard that one of my favourite patients passed away.It left me very sad because she was such a nice and a beautiful person.I attended to her on atleast three of her admissions and she was the gentlest patient,most encouraging and always cheerful,grateful inspite of the difficult life she would have had socially and physically.
That is the thing with being posted in the colder wards ,the patients grow on you and before you know they make an impression on your mind.
This admission I did not meet her because I was posted elsewhere and I was shocked to hear the news.
Every time she was in the hospital in her manifold admissions regardless of where she was ,if I passed by ,we would always greet each other like friends.My stone cold doctor's heart actually hurt to know of her passing away.The world will be poorer by a rich soul eaten away too young by alcohol.
There was another incident that struck me today.We had to reveal a tough diagnosis to one person and even as a senior explained the situation I was struck by the way he received the information.There was no change in his expression,his jet blue eyes continued to look at us with the same expression as he clarified his various doubts.I wondered to myself ,how come the news had not made any difference to him?
Minutes later I found a gentleman from an adjacent bed sitting beside him with a sad expression on his face but he still looked unaffected,and then towards the end of the day I saw him sitting on his bed,lost in his thought ,it was like as though things were just sinking in.
I walked up to his bed and generally asked after him and gave him an update about his case,he thanked me umpteen number of times with such grace but what I actually wanted to do was to thank him.
I can easily understand why our Lord Jesus loved to be with certain kind of people.They are as human being so much more beautiful,fragile ,broken ...in many ways so much more emptied of self and definately more likeable anyday.

Wednesday, October 25, 2017

Reformation...



1.The move was prompted by the spirit of God.
2.Real men facing real questions.
3.Compelled to move out of the comfort zone.
4.They were so compelled that like after the ACTs days they were willing to sacrifice everything for it.
5.As Greg Gilbert puts it,they were standing up for the gospel of Jesus Christ because they had that unshaking belief that it was powered by the God of the universe and the gates of hell could not prevail against it.
6.It was not a wishy washy endeavour.It was clear ,thought out ,compelled by the spirit of God and depended mostly on the grace and revelation of God.
7.They were men and women who were fed up of playing clergy?
8.People who possess the law of God should specially be careful of complacency and dilution for comfort,therefore corruption.
9.They were perhaps individuals who had asked the right questions and had reached the end of themselves.

Sunday, October 22, 2017

Lori Sealy - God Moves in a Mysterious Way

'HESSED' Lifestyle.


Today as I walked to the church,I did, with a spiritual burden in my heart and I prayed to the Lord fervently to speak to me.He normally does in this particular church.We had a visiting pastor who continued in the meditation from the book of Ruth.
The pastor requested a special song.
God moves in mysterious ways-by William Cowper.
(John 13 vs 7.)
The things we discussed today were -
God is in control.
Providence is mysterious the decision is from the Lord.
Chapter 1-Sorrow
Chapter 2-Service
Chapter 3-Surrender
Chapter 4-Satisfaction

God guides Ruth-
verse 1-Hidden whisper.
verse 3-'As it turned out'-The turning point and the hinge that changes Ruth's life forever.
It was Ruth's free choice within the sovereignity of God.

Boaz shows kindness to Ruth.
verse 7-Glean
verse 10-foreigners

Difficult place to be and yet the best place to be.
God has compassion for the foreigners.

verse 20-Hessed.(greek for kindness,goodness,loyalty,generosity..)
Verse 20-Go'el.(Kinsman redeemer.)

Both Ruth and Boaz were living a 'Hessed' lifestyle.In the ordinrariness of their hessed lifestyle God was pleased with them and met them.It was ordinary but significant.

Learnings-
There are no small decisions with God.
We are not always aware of the big picture that God has in mind.
God will provide within the confines of His will for those who obey him and want to serve others.

It ended with a clipping of Martin Luther King ,Jnrs speech-'I am not fearing any man because mine eyes have seen the Glory of the Coming of the Lord.'


Saturday, October 21, 2017

WHEN CHRIST SHALL COME...

The last time I was in England in 2012-2013,England was commemorating 200 years of the freedom from slavery and the legislation that was pushed through by Lord William Wilberforce.
This time England is celebrating 500 years of reformation which is officially on the 31st of October but celebration has begun with walks,exhibition ,etc in different parts of London and England.The last sunday I was in Central London so the morning I ran down Anu's flat to the church located literally a few doors away.I realised I was more than half an hour early and it incidentally happened to be a lutherian church.There were a few ladies preparing the room for the service with flowers et,al.I was attracted to the series of exhibition on the wall which commemorated the reformation again.The lady,encouraged me to walk around the room looking at the posters,et all.I did one round of the room and all of the sixty seats in the hall,looked like an exclusive group of Lutherians who seemed to know each other well and shouted greetings as each person did their bits preparing for the day.
I ,for one ,decided to take the train to Tottenham court to attend the hillsong church in Dominion theatre.Unbeknowest,there were 'Jesus-the rock,opera'being performed that day.I had ,for sometime ,been wanting to watch an opera.It is an expensive affair but it is part of what London is all about.Here I was getting to watch a christian opera just like that.I mentally thanked the Lord for the providence.It was beautifully done by what I thought were professionals but later was told by the pastor that they were actually all members of the church and they have this event every year.He invited people in the audience who had a talent and interest to join the group for next year.
Even before the opera started I was touched by the youngsters leading the worship and the congregation in the Dominion theatre which was packed as usual to the hilt...one phrase struck my mind-'reaching out and actually striking a chord with a generation'-the youngsters were pretty much comfortable and part of the ministry.They were allowed to grow and flourish in the ways of God without the restrictions of hegomany which has become a common practise in our current day ministry.
Should our current day ministry fail ,the last nail in the coffin will be 'H'.Jesus never allowed it in his ministry during His time ,infact He made it a point to associate with sinners and with those in the periphery.He continued right from His birth to travel downwards to be with those He ministered to.It was these weaklings whom He lifted up and prepared for the ministry and later by the power of the Holy spirit,these weak people was used by God to put the world upside down.
One thing I really appreciate about the Hillsong ministry is there are no stars.Everything is run by the youngsters and the pastor gives the message,a punch ....which is literally it.All the members ,those youngsters are the stars, and Jesus is the Superstar!!



Friday, October 13, 2017

Living the mandate...


I had some leave in hand after working a hot month where I was doing twelve hour stretch duties night and day.I looked at the holiday brochure and nothing appealed.I decided to google christian retreat centre and that is how I came across Stanton House.I kept my options open but wrote to them.The letter I received was so hands on and had an air of familiarity.Ruth had written back saying they would book a room for me for the days I had asked for if I wanted.It was in a village in Oxford.
Stanton house is run by two couples who felt a call from God to run this retreat centre,and it apparently runs full all the year round.We were ministered to by one couple.Ruth is practical,matter of fact and is very efficient and John ,the other half has a sensitivity of a deeply caring man of God.Ruth fed us with wonderful home-cooked meals and John with kindly concern and the word of God in devotions every evening after supper.There were seven of us from different walks of life,I was deeply touched to see the impact of a ministry like theirs were making to different people who walked through their door.There is a baptist vicar who had a calling from God to visit this place every wednesday.He spends time in the prayer room and is available to counsel.There is a prayer room and a community kitchen stocked with tea.coffee and breakfast material.The rooms are comfortable with settings strategically decorated to keep the creative and reflective juices flowing ,each room has this writing desk which beckons you every now and then to write something.One is very clear that money should not be a factor keeping one out of Stanton house.
My welcome verse was one on worship.One can hear the birds,the nature,the bells from the distant church ring.One has access to the green grounds which actually extends all the way to the sheep farm.International church volunteers help Ruth and John with the management.One feels direly tempted to pitch in because one feels so much at home.
What impressed me more than anything was John and Ruth's willingness to share their lives with everyone that walks in through the door.I often found them at my door calling me for supper incase I had missed hearing the bell.It was humbling to see them like a family member running up the three stories and standing outside our door.The meals were the time the hosts would expertly draw every member in,asking questions and just expressing interest in each of our lives.
The evening devotion is called the thought for the day and it was never over the top.We looked at the different aspects of the charecter of God apart from being a father.We also looked at the mount of transfiguration and the God's affirmation of His son.The last evening, it was a simple message on how straight after the Mount of transfiguration ,Jesus comes down to face disciples who bring before him a dumb boy,they cannot heal.The message was simple.Jesus is with us when we have our mountain top experiences and He is with us when we go down to the valley to do the mundane.Visitors like me are there around the year except for a fortnight in December.
I am more than convinced that pulpits and conferences have their moments,often few and far between but it is in the mundane of serving ,like Ruth behind the apron in the kitchen or John filling in the gaps,I often chanced upon him washing,stocking up the community kitchen,clearing the table..behind the scenes,...and yet was always available for us,one feels the presence of the Lord .....for a christian, home is where the Lord Jesus is honoured ....and I felt at home in Stanton House.

Sunday, October 1, 2017

When Peace Like A River (hymn with words and music) - Horatio G. Spafford

My God,My God......


1.Whenever I want some meat I attend the baptist church,they stick to the scripture and also gives us cues to further reading.
Today we started a study on the book of Ruth.I was attending church after two weeks of missing it because of night and day weekend duties.I had forgotten how beautiful it is.
We concentrated on the 1st chapter.
The first chapter outlines the life of an israellite family of Ebimelech and his wife Ruth and their two sons who leave Bethleham their homeplace and migrate to a pagan land of Moab because there is famine in Bethleham.
While in Moab Ebimelech dies.Their two sons marry girls from the foreign land but soon even the two sons die.So the three widows are left to fend for themselves.Naomi hears news about Bethleham being blessed by the Lord again so decides to go back home
and she finally does with one of the daughter in law who refuses to leave her and comes back to her land.

The learnings on it and the reflections were-
God was interested in the situation of a single man.
The anecdote happens in Bethleham .
Bethleham actually means ,'a house of bread'.
There is famine in the house of bread,it does not tell us how but as a consequence of people of God turning away from Him.
The famine may have been caused by invaders,by internal disease and malaise in the society,failure of crops..but one thing is clear God had turned His face away from that region for a time,as a result of disobedience ,that is how Naomi interprets it.
Ebimelech decides to take his family away to Moab,which is fifty kilometres away beyond the dead sea.
Why did he choose Moab ? Moab was a place which harboured a contempt for God and was a pagan land.Was Ebimelech in God's will or was he suffering from a malady that often troubles God's people of disobedience and discontentment that made him to choose 'death' in certain sense.
Ebimelech had run away from death in the land but it pursued him to Moab.
2.The second charecter we come across here is of Naomi,who in own words ,when she comes back to Bethleham says,'I had gone away full but have come back empty handed.'She lost her husband,two young sons and a daughter-in-law.But beyond the loss and the bitterness or 'mara' as she calls it she has the underlying trust in the Ellshadai.
One often finds that christians find it hard to grieve and we put on a brave face in public for ....As John Ortberg puts it'hiding away in the cave with our pain'-but our omnipotent ,omnipresent God finds us even in that cave and does His work in us.When we lose our loved ones ,there is an empty space and our lives do change forever ,never to be the same again.
Expressing pain and discomfort is legitimate and healthy and necessary.What more legitimacy do we want then the picture of our savior shedding great drops of blood while He prayed ,'if you will Lord let this cup pass from me ,and yet not my will but yours be done' or the Christ Himself crying out on the cross,'My God,My GOd,why have you forsaken me?'-the pain was real,whether physical,mental or spiritual and our Lord when He expresses the pain also stands with us in the dark,difficult and painful areas of our lives reassuring us that he has been there and knows what it is like to be there,and it is allright to feel the pain and express the distress.
In our hardship and grieving we will experience the comfort of Elshaddai.He will be our mountain of shelter and strength.
We concluded the service with the story behind that beautiful hymn,'when peace like a river attendeth my way...when sorrow like sweet billows roll...'
This was a hymn written by Horatio G Spafford.

'Horatio G. Spafford was a successful lawyer and businessman in Chicago with a lovely family — a wife, Anna, and five children. However, they were not strangers to tears and tragedy. Their young son died with pneumonia in 1871, and in that same year, much of their business was lost in the great Chicago fire. Yet, God in His mercy and kindness allowed the business to flourish once more.

On Nov. 21, 1873, the French ocean liner, Ville du Havre was crossing the Atlantic from the U.S. to Europe with 313 passengers on board. Among the passengers were Mrs. Spafford and their four daughters. Although Mr. Spafford had planned to go with his family, he found it necessary to stay in Chicago to help solve an unexpected business problem. He told his wife he would join her and their children in Europe a few days later. His plan was to take another ship.

About four days into the crossing of the Atlantic, the Ville du Harve collided with a powerful, iron-hulled Scottish ship, the Loch Earn. Suddenly, all of those on board were in grave danger. Anna hurriedly brought her four children to the deck. She knelt there with Annie, Margaret Lee, Bessie and Tanetta and prayed that God would spare them if that could be His will, or to make them willing to endure whatever awaited them. Within approximately 12 minutes, the Ville du Harve slipped beneath the dark waters of the Atlantic, carrying with it 226 of the passengers including the four Spafford children.

A sailor, rowing a small boat over the spot where the ship went down, spotted a woman floating on a piece of the wreckage. It was Anna, still alive. He pulled her into the boat and they were picked up by another large vessel which, nine days later, landed them in Cardiff, Wales. From there she wired her husband a message which began, “Saved alone, what shall I do?” Mr. Spafford later framed the telegram and placed it in his office.

Another of the ship’s survivors, Pastor Weiss, later recalled Anna saying, “God gave me four daughters. Now they have been taken from me. Someday I will understand why.”

Mr. Spafford booked passage on the next available ship and left to join his grieving wife. With the ship about four days out, the captain called Spafford to his cabin and told him they were over the place where his children went down.

According to Bertha Spafford Vester, a daughter born after the tragedy, Spafford wrote “It Is Well With My Soul” while on this journey.

When peace like a river attendeth my way,

When sorrows like sea billows roll,

Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to know,

It is well, it is well with my soul.

Chorus:

It is well with my soul,

It is well, it is well with my soul

Anna gave birth to three more children, one of which died at age four with dreaded pneumonia. In August 1881, the Spaffords moved to Jerusalem. Mr. Spafford died and is buried in that city.

And the peace of God which surpasses all understanding, shall keep your hearts, your minds through Christ Jesus. - Philippians 4:7.

Friday, September 29, 2017

Rediscovering my love for tea,onions and....

I had heard of many things becoming clearer as we go along in life but age teaches one a lot of things one just used to bustle through and not really give a second thought to in life.
I recently discovered my preference of a good tea over coffee when I have gobbled down both all my life.I am not talking about a dhaba tea or the indian chai but a good quality tea leaf brewed well with milk,with or without sugar.It has always been served in my house and yet I never gave it a thought.
At home one really is never hard on choices because one is not stretched or challenged to the limit,I firmly believe the joy of something comes through when one has earned it.Life is very different at home.
The other thing that has surprised me is the taste of fried onions.I was out for lunch where I had ordered fish and chips and there were multiple choices in an add-on side dish,one of them was fried onions.Now who in India eats fried onions as a side dish?Anyways for the want of a better alternative I went for it..and it was fried onion in a batter like our good old onion pakoras but the quality of oil used was better I think,so it tasted pretty good and I did not get a headache after that.
Every week when I go grocery shopping I pick out a multiple pack fries because it is so much more easier to eat it when one is quite short of energy whether at home or at work.Needless to say that the flavour I have zeroed down on are cheese and onions.However,last week I made it a point not to pick the fries and I have lasted a week without them.I am into a bit of experiment.
However onions have become a regular part of my grocery shopping.
I saw a young iranian kid,barely twenty six,newly married, happened to come into the acute care with relentless diarrhoea and vomiting.Apparently had been to Germany where he had a pain in the abdomen was treated for it,did not get better so he had come back to his home of residence .He was pretty scared that he would die and kept asking ,'Am I dying?because I have recently got married.'I felt such compassion in my heart for the kid.
Then there was this lady doctor in a burkha who would keep flashing a very friendly smile to me ,one fine day she walked up to me and asked me,'Are you from Ladakh or Sikkim?'.I was stunned ,I would have thought she was somewhere from the middle east.She was actually from Kashmir.I felt a sense of joy to know that she was from India,but also a niggling sense of deep pain at the situation in the valley,an open wound festering on India's arm that seems to bleed forever and continues to hurt everyone who loves India.
I have a lot of breaks coming up in the next few days before I get into my regular slot.I have been skimming through the holiday brochures to see where I could spend some time,eventually I have zeroed down to spending a short time in Stanton house retreat in Oxford with the Word.
Also got the news that my friend Sheba lost her mother.I have had the joy of meeting her twice in my life and have enjoyed her hospitality.I have always been struck by her quiet,smiling presence.I cannot even begin to fathom what a great loss it must be for the family,though for a short time, for in a blink of an eye our earthly lives are over but we continue our journey onwards in eternity.
My prayer is 'Father please keep us safe by your side till we meet on the other shore'-In Christ's name we ask.





Thursday, September 21, 2017

To truly see.

Sisters are such a precious gift from God.I am tripple blessed,I have three.Today is aie Mimi's birthday.Aie Mimie is two years older than me and we have been buddies since the time I remember.I was the younger and so have always had my way with her.She would let me win every race,take precedence in all the games we played as a kid,This day I celebrate her innocence,her prayerful dependance on God as she stewards two little children from difficult backgrounds in a christian upbringing,as she wrestles with the sheer schedule of everyday living teaching her college kids and yet holds all the certificates to her name.She is faithful and comitted in the way she looks after mom and dad,ever mindful of their desires as she takes all the effort to fulfill it in what way she can.I am grateful to God for her.
She was the tomboy of the family.Always included in all the adventures my brothers planned out,whether it was hiking,going to the cardomom fields for the yearly survey,running after wild horses,or wrestling with the boys.She was an athelete in school winning shotput,javelin and the disc throwing events,she was also good in marathon.An average kid in school she excelled from her 11th standard and went on to pick up the maximum number of certificates in the family.She always remains a child at heart it seems grappling more with life than the rest of us.
Last week Nabeel Quereshi died.I have never set my eyes on him as a person but he was mere 34 years when he passed away to glory.I was deeply touched by his life and his testimony and his passing away had a deep impact on me.A pakistani immigrant in America,had such an impact in his short life on so many people around the world.God's infinate grace helped him see.He was a chosen vessel of God,meant for His glory.
I realise how finite our lives are and how we spend the major portion of it chasing after things which have no eternal value.We live trying to live to other people's expectations and it is when we face death that we have to come face to face with our fears and most importantly the God we know.
How well do we know our God?Is it a borrowed faith that we have built our lives on ,do we truly know our God?It is only by God's grace that we come to junctures like his when we truly have to face ourselves through unsmoked mirrors.
As Elizabeth Browning famously said,

"The earth is crammed with heaven
and every common bush afire with God,
But only he who sees takes off his shoes,
the rest sit around and pick blueberries."


Father,help me to truly see.
In Jesus' name.

Saturday, September 9, 2017

A heartbeat away..

Two things happened this week that made me feel vulnerable.I am known to be a tough cookie otherwise.
I have been following the Harvey and the Irma story quite closely and have beem praying with the beleivers since the 1st of September when the Lord put it in my heart.
On thursday mprning I found a small paronochia forming in one of my fingers.It was painful but I pushed it to the back of my mind while I continued to work.The second day ,there was pain but it was busy and so I ignored it again.In the morning one of my colleagues insisted I run down to the minors and see someone there ,but I was caught up with the work so ignored it.Towards mid-morning I noticed a reddish track forming along one side of my finger all the way to the back of my hand(Tracking),so I ran down to the minors and registered myself.The nurse practitioner who looked into it was very kind.She put a nick,squeezed out the pus ,put a water proof bandage and gave me enough Flucloxacillin for the next five days and kept asking me if I was okay for work.I was finishing my duty in another hour or so.I felt comfortably vulnerable and very grateful to the NP in the busy A and E.
It was a friday,two whole days of weekend to rest and enjoy.
It had been a busy week and I start with my hot from next week where I work longer hours and also have a lot of zero days for the next one month.
In the evening I decided to cook some rice and dal and store it for a week.I put them to cook and forgot about it for a cool half and hour.By the time I realised it the rice and the dal had charred to bits and the kitchen was full of smoke,the fire alarm started and went on till the fire officer came and put it off.
It made me realise how vulnerable our human lives were.having heard about a young doctor in Liberia who got charred to death in the accomodation he was living in,it could have been me.
This morning speaking to my near ninety years old father,I felt vulnerable again.I realised while I jaunt around the world doing what I do ,how dependant on his just being there I am.This is a father who can never see a tear in the eyes of any of his children,soft,kind,always there for us.
I spoke to my mother ,she has always been the strong one,the disciplinarian.
I realised anew how dependant on the grace of the almighty God we are everyday.
'What is man that you are mindful of him,son of man that you care for him?'Psalm 8,vs 4.
Whether it is a Harvey,Irma,fire,earthquake,sickness or anything...it is just a heart beat away-we live and breathe in Him by His grace alone.

Sunday, August 27, 2017

Sunday in London thus far.

I booked myself into the summer accomodation ,Prince's garden of the imperial college,comfortable room in the heart of south Kensington ,along the exhibition raod leading to Prince's consort road ,across the road from the science mueseum and the history museum.Hyde park and the Kensington park are five minutes walk along the same path.Amazing location!Breakfast went with the accomodation.A generous english breakfast.Good way to start the day.Met Dreier,a french data analyst who was on a break in the area as well.
I spent the morning walking through Hyde park,something I have wanted to do since I landed in the UK.I remembered some bits from my visit earlier.I spent the morning with flowers,ducks,a squirrel,the water and the expanse of green, memorials gallore,psalm 25 in company of a statue of a woman aiming an arrow ,held up by four people with water flowing out all around her and below the chalice that held her is a torch made of cement.It made me think a bit.
I walked to my heart's content and then took an underground to tottenham court to attend the hillsong church in the Dominion theatre.
Brian Housten was visiting from Sydney.I reached when the worship had started and the dominion theatre was packed to the hilt.I somehow found a seat in the stall.
Brian's message was short,impactful and the prayer powerful.
He spoke about taking stewardship of the changes in our lives because whether we liked it or not,changes would definately come.
He talked about Peter who after he had betrayed Jesus thrice,comes out and weeps bitterly ,in other words his betrayel of Jesus overwhelms him,but Peter's life is a life of ongoing transformation.
Same with David,when he decides to fight Goliath he talks like his life as a shepherd was already a thing of the past and there are three things that helped him to move towards his God-given destiny.
1.He knew the source of change.He knew God.
2.He had a motivation for the change-Firstly he had a cause-He pertinantly asks ,'Is there not a cause?'secondly he had a reward in mind.The reward the king had placed for anyone who defeated Goliath.
3.He embraced the change.He spoke about his past like as though it was already behind him.
The one liner that stuck out for me was,'Our lives are as powerful as the cause attatched to it.' I was blessed.

Saturday, August 26, 2017

Extended weekend with a bank holiday.

I remember during my Oddanchattram days,everyday I used to start my day with this song.'One day at a time.'we led a very sheltered life there,everyone extremely caring and looking after each other.The department where I am posted at,has a wonderful set of colleagues.We all have become good friends in a short time but one hardly gets much time because the rotas are made in such a way that we get as much exposure as possible and we keep moving around .How fascinating is it when we actually realise that all of us come from extremely different backgrounds.We are from India,Egypt,Iraq,Zimbabwe and England.In one of the early weeks ,one of the senior consultants gave us a good advice-'take time off to sit and eat lunch together so that you can get to know one another.'was what he said and that advise served us in good stead. Come September I have a hot month whereby I will be doing 12 hours of calls at a stretch and will have a lot of zero days as well.As disorienting as it may be, I am looking forward to it.
This weekend is an extended weekend with a bank holiday on Monday.
I struggled trying to make up my mind as to what I should do and finally zeroed down on spending the weekend in London just wandering around which I love actually.I booked myself into a place in Central London.However ,just yesterday,outside the buckingham palace there was a terrorist scare I think.
Will it change my plans?No,life has to go on.
I hope to catch 'Evita' in the theatres.Fascinating charecters etched in the history of a continent.
I have also started doing some courses that will help me be more mobile in the future.
One year of my life-precious handful of moments-may I be able to squeeze every ounce of it,equipped to give better,live better and love better.

Sunday, August 20, 2017

Psalm 115,vs 5




The river Ganges is the most worshipped river in India and yet the havoc and the devastation the river causes every monsoon is unparalleled .Bhupen Hazarika , the assamese singer-writer  in this haunting song has this quetion for the river 'Why are you silent?'Who would understand this better than a person from a state which has faced the fury of the water un-paralleled and has lost lives,stock and livelihood unaccounted for year after year.
Another thing that struck me was a picture of a missionary of charity's sister amongst the suffering in the picture.





Oh the love of God.

In beautiful moments of worship with fellow beleivers in my church ,God suddenly brings to mind people and families I have known in my short journey of life and I plead before the almighty for them.This sunday while we were worshipping ,the family that the Lord brought to my mind was Dr Sam and Sarah David.In that moment of communion with God I cried out a prayer from deep within.How the Lord loves them.
The portion we studied was from Philipians chapter 3 vs 1-14.
Philippians 3:1-14New King James Version (NKJV)

All for Christ
Finally, my brethren, rejoice in the Lord. For me to write the same things to you is not tedious, but for you it is safe.
Beware of dogs, beware of evil workers, beware of the mutilation! 3 For we are the circumcision, who worship God in the Spirit,[a] rejoice in Christ Jesus, and have no confidence in the flesh, 4 though I also might have confidence in the flesh. If anyone else thinks he may have confidence in the flesh, I more so: 5 circumcised the eighth day, of the stock of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of the Hebrews; concerning the law, a Pharisee; 6 concerning zeal, persecuting the church; concerning the righteousness which is in the law, blameless.

7 But what things were gain to me, these I have counted loss for Christ. 8 Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ 9 and be found in Him, not having my own righteousness, which is from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which is from God by faith; 10 that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death, 11 if, by any means, I may attain to the resurrection from the dead.

Pressing Toward the Goal
12 Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. 13 Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, 14 I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.




It was a simple illustration of the passage the pastor gave us.A child was called out to help with the sermon.Each point where Paul enumerates the reason he could boast ,the child had to put four wooden blocks one on top of the other till a tower of pride was formed and then Paul considers it all a loss , for the surpassing worth of knowing Jesus,His Lord.The pastor tumbled the tower with one stroke and it was all 'a garbage',as Paul puts it.
I had not stopped to think that Saul of Tarsus was from the tribe of Benjamin,the tribe of his namesake,the first King of Israel.He had actually been named after him.Look at God's humour,the lineage of Saul becomes the diehard servant of the lineage of David and gives his life for the former's glory.
The other verse that was stressed was 'lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has laid hold of me.'The pastor asked us if we knew what Christ had laid hold of us for?

Monday, August 14, 2017

Remembering the bizzare-this independance day!

Working in the UK especially in the gastro department in the past two weeks I order human albumin to be transfused to patients every day..it brings back sad memories of my time in Lakhnadon in Madhya Pradesh.Every now and then there would be a need for HAS in the hospital with variety of patients trickling in.The administrator in all earnestness would search frantically for it.I never got hold of any during my time there.Once one of the suppliers even offered to get me some in 'black'.
The other thing which appalled me to no end was getting blood for transfusion.We had patients coming in with a haemoglobin of 2mg% and each time arranging for transfusion was a mountain of a struggle.Blood transfusion was available in Jabalpur for anything from 1800Rs to Rs 4500 and there were middle men involved.There was a time when one of the patients needed blood so badly and did not have the money required so since Saneesh's (my colleague)blood group matched with the patient concerned he offered to visit the blood bank to donate the blood in Jabalpur .He just made it in time for his train home to Raipur after the donation.
Human lives in India is a big business.Investigations and lab kits would dissappear from the market overnight so as to promote equipments.I remember so many times ,when suppliers would point blank tell us such and such kits were not manufactured anymore so for one to do a particular test one would have to buy a new equipment.
The government had strict legislations for ultrasound on one hand and a doctor was sued for some pleural tap one had done blindly.This is also a country where quacks are rampant and most patients who land up at your hospital has been through multiple hands trying everything from potions to black magic before they land up ,sometimes stone cold in rigor mortis from conditions like snakebites which are completely treatable.Nobody pays for it.
My colleagues in Emmanuel Hospital Association and other mission organisations work under considerable challenges ,in these difficult areas against a tide which does not make things easier.Everyday is a new day with new challenges with an inner drive to reiterate the value of the human lives we come across,each one made in the image of almighty God,precious and beautiful..often marred but a step towards retoration to the image,God meant it to be.
Happy independance day to my country men!.

Sunday, August 13, 2017

Chewing the cud..

Incidents like the ones that is happening in Gorakhpur are disasters waiting to happen in a country like India where corruption is rampant,and accountability non-existant.
Ideally what public should demand is a transparent enquiry into the incident and a look into where the system failed.The right heads need to roll,politicians from the past record are often unable to tell.
The systems need to be put in place so that it does not happen again.
The incident should not be swept under the carpet ,whether it be the media houses championing the cause or film makers looking to make a film.The idea is to contribute in what way one can to make India better.
I am not sure,if life-saving devices like oxygen ,anti-snake venoms,insulin should be monopolised by the private sector.It does sound bizarre that a government medical college was dependant on a private supplier for its oxygen supply.Do I smell a rat here?
In the hospital where I worked in central India,oxygen used to be a major issue.The staff would often wonder why I was getting so worked up over it.One would often find empty cylinders sent back from the suppliers as filled and at times there would be leaks in the cylinder.
Many a times I have had to send in an extra personal with a meter to measure the pressure at the point of receiving the cylinders.
The same year by God's grace we centralised the oxygen and bought ten large cylinders for a five bedded ACU so the alarm would keep us alert but I still found myself having to check from time to time how the flow went.
I have had similar experiences with snakebite patients with ASV prices roof high and the government hospitals for some reason not even comitted to intubating and ventilating a patient ours used to be the only hospital in the area which used to manage snakebites,
We did struggle with the logisitcs especailly initially when we were financially constrained.The government needs to remove taxes on these essential life-saving items and make sure that no extra cost is incurred by the patients for these items.
In Jharkhand one used to see adivasis from remote corners pushed into the out-patient with snake-bites with envenomation ,with no money in their pockets.For institutions like ours where we had to buy every medication there used to be a healthy tension but no patient's treatment are compromised in any way.God provides.
The normal trend in these parts is that the poor quietly pay the fees whereas the rich muscle their way and try to weild out as much charity as possible thus making institutions with good intent struggle.However the poor who quietly pay the fee often do it at a considerable added baggage to their person.A sudden sickness could set them back in their lives by a couple of years because they give themselves as bonded labourers to the rich landowners for the money that has been advanced to them.
Thus the vicious cycle goes on..
Yes this is one face of India...I have known.

Saturday, August 12, 2017

A song -inspired by the psalms.

I will praise You Father
Flourish in worship
like an olive tree
in the house of God.

I trust in God's unfailing love
forever and ever
I will hope in Your name
for Your name is good.

I will praise You Lord Jesus
will always love You
my life is Yours,
for what You have done.

For from the Son comes
the theme of my praise
in the great assembly
my heartfelt song ,sublime and pure.

I praise You Holy Spirit
always adore You
welcome You
for who You are.

For You sweet Counseller
keep my lamp burning
You make known to me
the path of life.

I glorify You
Holy trinity
my true home
forever more

for You fill me
with the joy of Your presence
with eternal purpose
at Your right hand.


Sunday, August 6, 2017

Lord Jesus lead us.

What a gentle spirit the spirit of the Lord is.
Today we had a challenging message in the church.It was from Philipians 1 vs 12 to 14.'Now ,I want you to know brothers.....that what has happened to me has actually served to advance the gospel....'
Paul's cry runs on through generations of martyrs unheard,unsung ,unknown but very dear to the heavens and our Lord.
Vs 27 is a beautiful direction Paul gives for the believers,'Whatever happens ,conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of gospel of Christ....'This is where most of us fail.As soon as circumstances start becoming to the contrary,our flesh takes over.
As the pastor said 'God over-rules our circumstances for the gospel to be preached and proclaimed'. We looked at great examples from the bible of the lives of people whose lives regardless of where it was, was over-ruled by God for His glory...Paul,Joseph,Daniel,and the list goes on.
We also saw a clipping on the life of Polycarpus,a martyr,the bishop of Turkey who it was said, was the last connection to apostle John.
Paul and Timothy were slaves of Christ.It was never about comfort,never about what they wanted but how God would be glorified.
We recited a prayer in the end.
Where we are to where you need us -Jesus Lead us....

Friday, August 4, 2017

New day,a new way.

Middle of this week I changed over to gastro.It is an entirely new way of functioning but so far seems to be a much healthier option.The two months in acute medicine I got thoroughly bushed.The last but oneday I was seeing patients till eight at night.Somehow I seem to have made it over the week to the weekend.I have two whole days to rest.Thank God for that.I find working hours a lot tougher this time through.The roaster also seems kind of crazy,much like the third world ,the concept of rest put to the edge and a lot of people seem to be on the edge.one often has to repeat requests slowly and twice before one realises that one has been a bit abrupt.It is all a learning process.
Meeting new people,adjusting to their idiosyncracies,getting to know them...interesting because in these times in the UK one finds people from all sorts of community and colour,getting to know them,making friends,it is interesting.From Monday ,most of the team in gastro is going to be new,so we are more or less on our own.It is a learning process and the patients are pouring in all the time.The system seems to be understaffed.
It is also a time to learn medicine especially in these specialist postings,there is so much to see and so much to take in.I thank God for the oppurtunity I seem to have got,strangely my acute medicine boss also seemed unaware of it when it happened.
By the time I get back from work I just barely have enough energy to eat a meal and go to sleep.
I look forward to the weekend and I look forward to the church.
There have been times when I have felt physically weak to the point I have almost collapsed but the Lord has carried me through.
Since last week I picked up an iron supplement from Tesco and am regularly having it.My haemoglobin has been hovering around 9 for sometime.That could be the cause of my tiredness.Hopefully it will pick up.I am trying to avoid getting myself investigated with scopes et al because it has never really gone below 9.I was a healthy 12 till I came down to Lakhnadon ,where I cannot say for sure if it was the blood donation,unhealthy eating or something sinister that did me in.
So now I am well into August.Another season slowly but surely getting on.We have started pulling our sweaters out,our textbooks out,there is so much to learn,so much to discover,so much ahead of us....With the Lord on my side ,everything is possible.

Wednesday, July 26, 2017

Just stop .

Making an informed choice during growing up years is a huge upward struggle.Most of the decisions one makes is almost in a state of panic ,atleast mine was.Till I was in my school,decisions were made for me.My idea of what was good and bad were very heavily coloured by our teacher's lenses.There was no questioning the order.
when one graduates from school to college,unless one comes across great souls that mentor you the peers take you along in a different journey.I thankfully escaped this phase I think because I studied in good old Bengal.
Our medical college days were spent in a haze of ghugnis,rickshaws,formalin,our straight-jacket teachers,and poetries,it was almost surreal,the entire period.
During my post-graduate days in Oddanchattram I learnt to think for myself.My teacher's advice just stop and think,reflect, took me in good stead and it is perhaps one of the many precious legacies I have carried with me and still blesses me.I have learnt just how precious and valuable the stops are and yet how necessary it is for us to move after that gap,perhaps in a renewed direction with a refined perspective and perhaps in rythem with God.
One of my friends in Satbarwa reinforced this lesson ,every now and then he would reiterate,'just think ,use your head'.
I still think as much with my heart as I do with my head but I no longer function in any kind of pressure by God's grace.
I learnt as much from some of my juniors as I do from the elderly.
My junior in Lakhnadon,during the entire first year of his bond did not spend a single pi of his salary.He had the money which had been lying around from his internship period in a city??He used that .Not that he is stingy ,he seems to be pretty relaxed about life but not the sort of person who would move around with the crowd like a zombie.How do you bring up chiildren who are comfortable being who they are.Children who think and logically make a right choice in life without breaking one's head.
When every thing in the world is out to seduce you mostly to benefit people who intentionally do it,how does one keep one's head above waters?
Millions of dollars are spent in selling ideas and comodities which fill in a few pockets while the mass just gobbles it all up without giving it a second thought.
It is I think a cultural thing sometimes,it is so much more easier to deal with people who do not ask too many questions and follow the book to the tee.
The world becomes so much poorer for it.

Monday, July 17, 2017

Mourning with a friend.

My friend Primula put up a message in our whatssapp group.It was a one liner.'My father just passed away.'
This was the ex-chief minister of Sikkim she was talking about.Felt very sad.
Primula was my friend from my school days.We all studied in Tashi Namgyal Academy ,the only public school in Sikkim which was originally meant for the royal children and later went on to become an autonomous body.
We were borders away from home in the capital ,Gangtok.
Primula was the chief minister's daughter but was the most humble of the lot.She was very caring and concerned about all her friends especially the hostellers.Every now and then huge packet of tucks would come our way and she never forgot our birthdays.I still have a small saving safe marked with orange pen ,a gift from her.Every year on her birthday we were invited to the chief minister's residence to celebrate it with her family.It was a happy affair with the CM himself making it a point to meet us and her mother ,the smart parliamentarian would entertain us.I don't ever remember buying a gift for her.
With time life took us through various routes ,I have been out most of my adult life but I sort of kept in touch one way or the other.We were connected through social media.I have not met Primula after we left school.I continue to carry warm memories of her.The social media has a way of exhibitting our lives sometimes unknowingly.I sort of knew what was happening with her life.
This winter while sauntering with my uncle to the dispensary for parliamentareans I ran into Mr Bhandari and his second daughter who was a junior from school.I greeted him ,he talked to my uncle,a colleague from the political milieu of India.
One thing that struck me about him was his sheer persona.He was shining all through.He in no way looked sick.
On returning back that day I sent a message to Primula saying that I had met her father and she was down south in tirupatti then and sounded surprised.
I suspect it is a great loss for my friend ,losing a father who towered over Sikkim politics for close to two decades,a man who had absolute sway over what happened in Sikkim then.To me ,he is a friend's father,a chief minister who was meticulous to the point when we were invited for dinner to his place after our class ten results were out,we found that he had pinned our board exams mark on the board behind his desk at Mintokgang and had marked out few of our performances and called us out for it.For a child then,it did not seem out of place for one did feel like one had achieved much with that result but as an adult when I look back I feel much humbled.I mourn with my friend for her father.

Saturday, July 8, 2017

A saturday in Arsenal.

Last sunday when I was at the Dominion theatre attending a hillsong London church they mentioned the Just one conference at Arsenal.There was an invite to join the one thousand choir as part of the hillsong team.I booked myself in for the conference because I was off work on saturday besides Matt Reddmann whose worship songs have been such a blessing was supposed to be leading the worship.It was organised and compered by John J and his family.I for one had never heard of John J but the week before the conference I sat and listened to a lot of his messages on the youtube.
It was a joy to see so many people heading towards the stadium.Arsenal stadium was a grand affair,immediately thought of my brother who is very keen on watching a live match in the stadium when he comes over.I believe there was a crowd of twenty three thousand people.It was a happy saturday with people of every kind everywhere around.
The worship was led by Matt Reddman,hillsong,London community gospel choir,Noel Robinson.I,for one prayed ,Lord where are you in the grandeur of the man-made gigantic structures.As Matt led in worship one could see an aeroplane fly above in the skies.A host of pigeons floated around all the time which was amazing.
There were interviews with a footballer,a member of parliament from the House of the Lords,the ex-bishop of Iraq who seems to have multiple sclerosis but was the person who brought John J to the Lord,and a lady who had broken some world record but now was working against human trafficking.
The message was given by John J,beautifully clear ,it was a message of salvation and call to hope.How I wished I had invited my non-beleiver friends along.At the end he gave out three kinds of call.A call to receive Jesus into one's life,a call to let Jesus have the driver's seat in our lives(We mess up because we don't surrender the steering wheel to Him),and the third call was to explore by joining alpha course or a seven course series on Life explored found at life.explo.red
What amazed me was people got up and out of their seats in droves...collected the packets of materials and prayed the prayer of salvation,intent and request with John J.As people started moving Matt Redmann sang 'Amazing grace-my chains are gone'.
I had been a little wary and was questioning the glitter of it all but was strangely humbled.
In my lifespan ,I had never seen so many people respond to an alter call .The message was simple,to the point and clear.
The conference ended with 'one thousand reasons'.John J said that when he died ,he had told Matt Redmann that he would like him to lead the choir and the song he would like sung at his funeral was 'one thousand reason'.
Another thing that really touched a chord somewhere was when he shared about the time when the thought of organising the conference came to him.He roped in a friend...to take the lead in doing this,his words were,'he is busy playing golf so I asked him why do you want to waste your time,why don't we do this and he took it on from there'.

A gift of tears.

I was surprised other day with brokenness in one of my patients which crossed the lines of my belief and faith.My first instinctive response was immediate slamming of the door silently in my mind,and then suddenly a flood of compassion came over me ,such compassion ..that broke my heart.I understood little the heart of God..and the heart of Jesus...thank God for the Lord's grace on judgemental smugs like me.
Every day the outpatient is a treasure box ..refugees come for a better life..sick in a foreign land,mothers with disabled children-carers,overworked, bankrupt emotionally ,wives of husbands working abroad,frightened to be alone to face the struggles,divorced women from conservative backgrounds making do somehow,homosexuals frightened of what tomorrow might bring..the list is endless.
The compassion that God gifts us is perhaps the most precious gift God can give us ,a heart that breaks and weeps with the broken world around.
If I don't have that I might as well be dead.

Saturday, June 24, 2017

Ups and downs.

I have had an absolutely sleepy saturday today.I was drowsy throughout,I literally had to pick myself up and walk down to TESCOs the long way to buy some food but mostly to give myself some exercise.I am waiting for my laundry so I thought I would let some thoughts at the back of my mind just seep out.There is chill in the air outside and I have hayfever.I can go the whole year round with it in this country and my patients tell me this is common.
Today early in the morning my cousin sent me a single line message ,'S is nomore'.I felt sad.Now how do I know S?One day out of the blue I got a desperate phone call from my cousin.A friend of hers from school who had been instrumental in supporting her baby steps into Australia had suddenly out of the blue been diagnosed to have GB ca.She was young ,may be in her late thirties,looked younger,sensible ,hard working .She wanted to know the prognosis.Looking at the staging and the extent of the disease it did not look good.SO the parents decided to bring her back to India.When she was in Delhi,I went with my cousin to see her.To me she looked extremely chalky, but my cousin insisted that it was her usual colour.She looked tired,thoughtful and talked quite a bit.Her mother ordered KFC from the mall in Vasant Kunj where they were renting a house.I felt mighty awkward to eat anything in that sombre environment although it was well past lunch time.
My cousin had shared the gospel with her but she hardly responded.Her mother had reached a stage where she would request prayer for her but would simultanaeouly be knocking all the other doors.
I took my cousin through the process of how a patient with gall bladder ca with liver mets would ultimately progress.
She called me up again to let me know that she was going through hepatic encephalopathy.She was having hallucinations and could not sleep at night.One such time she asked her mother who she was?When her mother reminded her that she was her mother ,I believe she reiterated ,no-you are lying,I am alone I have nobody.I am a doctor.I have learnt in life to pull myself back from emotional situations to save myself.Like my sister-in-law said ,In Sikkim,peopele are tough.We cannot afford to dwell on our losses so we move on ,sometimes all of it looks vey cold.
In the midst of it all my mother lets me know that the flowers I had planted by the supposed pool at home had sprouted one of which had started blooming and the other had grown shoots which would flower on for a very long time.My sister in Australia had brought a whole lot of flower seeds.One afternoon I planted a few of them in a corner of a plain space and forgot to mark it.Next few days I found our hand walking all over the place while doing his chores.I had given up hope that anything would sprout but it has .Life has sprung overcoming the hopelessness of the situation and it was my mother who spotted it and urged my brother to photograph it and send it to me.Praise God for my mother.