What gives

Its 2am in the morning and I am stuck at the hospital waiting for a breech baby to be born.Opened up another badly mucked up surgery case.Wh o will think I am a physician with an inclination towards res piratory medicine? This is what working in a deprived area is all about. I got in touch with myself today .I stayed stunned the whole day and by night I was laughing all the way to the bed and hospital. I treated myself to a luxury of a real strong jamaican coffee-that is saying quits to the night of sleep. Caeserian section beckons me to the the operation theatre-I can hear the anaesthetist dragging her sleepy feet to the OT door. I wonder how long it will be till I get a good night's sleep.

I tell my friend I am in my own world,deliriously happy. The first thing he asks me is are you in love? Strange! I have been doing my own little things being sinfully selfish indulging myself in small things that give me immense happiness. I bought myself some lamp-shades,one in particular was after my own heart.I was all over Birganj,Ranchi and DTO on the lookout and as it always happens I come across this small shop in the by-lanes of Kolkotta that says 'Lamp-shades' and sells only lamp-shades.It was there in all hues, colours and materials.Paper,silk and satin. Amazing ,and I thought shops like that had stopped existing. The other thing that has happened is I have re-discovered my love for music and writing.My home theatre system which was a gift from my cousin is being used to the maximum and I discovered this collection of MP3 which took me back to my growing up years..some favourites from dire-straits,cat stevens,Eric clapton,Smokie....remembered my older siblings playing...

My Dad's cousin. My dad had cousins we met once in a while.They stayed in the capital and visited us occassionally.They were clannish,extremely sophisticated and respectful because my father was older than them.They had children who seldom registered and had to be introduced afresh everytime we met .In other words we never grew up together. In the early 2008,all of a sudden three men of their family passed away.Two were sudden and one was anticipated.As we watched the scenario from a distance one wondered who would console whom.Each family member left had lost someone from their immediate family who was a pillar for them.To make things worse the matriach of the family was still alive.

Christmas is here and the pastor ,our simple ,quiet pastor asks us gently from the lectern on Sunday-will it be an empty 'Merry Christmas ' again this time.There will be buying the best,never-ending shopping lists,programmes to be charted ,gifts to be bought,parties to be organised ,choirs to be practised.It's activity time but in all that business we have no time,no thought ,no not even an intent for the king.As we go around wishing every body a happy christmas its all empty shell with no content.One honest look at self and even more honest look at Him who is truth personified will see us looking towards a new direction.The lord have mercy on all of us.

Been to England and back.Enjoyed the wise-cracks at the BTS.Saw umpteen number of cousins hadn't met for a while.Ragged my cousin PG about religion as usual.Enjoyed a time to remember with my siblings...Everyday I talk to my sister and everyday she makes me laugh.My ear is giving me some problem -my world keeps spinning around-my taste-buds seem to have gone on a holiday.I am living on boiled patatoes and tomato chutney but for the exciting stuff my juniors make off and on. I am living in a totally different plane.My cousin bought me a Sony Home Theatre system.I bought a Jack and Danny for myself.Its a sleek guitar.Janet presented me with a capo to go with it.Its christmas here away from all that is home but I feel detatched enough!

So goes Bono and the gang and so goes my heart....a deep,deep sense of lack of identification to the people and places around me.Is this emptiness?How can it be?Have I strayed??I don't know .Heard Ravi Zach say that the older he gets more to the basics he goes?Do these preachers in their all knowing assurance they potray feel a deep sense of hollowness sometimes?Are they convinced about what they share?Oh lord help me. Yes there was a bit about absolute purity in word ,unseduced by the world -real to the core which did strike a cord within me .Help me lord in these times to hold on to your absolute standards.

Three days of heaven-night and day revival service-We are at it.The campus looks and feels different.A time of worship,and a time of listening to his words from his servants.It is going to continue for another seven days.Nav-jivan feels like a new-life hospital.Praise the lord.Hoping to attend the RZIM national conference in Delhi if the lord wills it.