Wednesday, May 5, 2010

The Anaesthesia!

I walked into the OT at 11.30 AM ,asked for the gown and got ready .Sister Emil with eyes big open caught my hand and said -'for you Dr.ji?'
Suman came in and sat quietly by my table before the hustle and bustle of the OT started.Suman was at my head continuosly stroking my hair.I.V.cannula inserted, all of a sudden Sushma and sister Toppo emerged, so much for doing the procedure on the quiet.Sushma prayed a sweet short prayer and Sishir got down to it.Tried with LA,apparently the tumour was big so the last I remember Sishir asking Suman to give some Midazolam and then after that I passed out.....to emerge into the ketamine haze.......I was watching the whole procedure from a mystical cloud,could hear every word the surgeon was speaking...every word the nurses were saying but it was in another setting ...another place....another time totally....I remember thinking to myself...what is this state I am in....where I have no say in what is to happen to me,someone else seem to be deciding totally what is to happen to me.....I felt trapped...I felt bewildered..I wondered ..am I dead already...will i come back to the real world....or will I pass out totally and never get back??...am I dying....it went on and on...I could feel Suman's hand on my head..stroking....I could see Sandhya moving around passing sutures....but everything was afar and a blurry....slowly ..must have been around two hours.....I started feeling a semblance of orientation and I started praying and praying and praising intensely...I saw the face of christ imprinted in my conciousness......it was peaceful .....it was a beautiful feeling ....slowly the face of Christ changed into the face of my pain ....the peace remained...utter peace and then I started sobbing......sobbing hard between the ebb and flow of anesthesia effect,I could hear Suman gently asking me Drji,why are you crying?Is it paining.....over and over again....I honestly did not have an answer.....paining means a hurt.....I just felt at peace-I felt relieved!!

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